AVP Model: Control Emotions by Letting Them Be
A simple practice to accept the anxiety, anger or sadness and start embracing them.
AVP Model
Why We Need Emotion Control
Ever been stuck in a loop of anxiety, anger, or sadness?
The problems keep coming up when we fight them, suppress them, or try to pretend they don't exist, they don't work at all.
The truth is, emotions like anxiety, anger, and sadness aren’t the enemy, they’re signals from your body trying to tell you something important. The better way is, to acknowledge these tough feelings, understand them, and give yourself the permission to feel without being consumed by them.
That’s where the AVP model steps in.
The AVP model stands for Acknowledge, Validate, Permit.
It was developed by Dr. Becky Kennedy, a renowned clinical psychologist and parenting expert. Known as “Dr. Becky” by her fans, she’s the author of the bestselling book Good Inside, which explores practical tools for emotional regulation and parenting.
Dr. Becky’s approach isn’t just about parenting—it’s about fostering emotional intelligence in every aspect of life. Her insights make the AVP model a go-to strategy for anyone looking to navigate the messy world of feelings with grace.
Acknowledge
Start by labelling your feelings.
This isn’t just a “touchy-feely” exercise; naming what you’re experiencing helps you face it head-on. Simply recognizing the emotion can take away some of its sting.
For example:
This moment feels hard.
I’m noticing anxiety right now.
My chest feels tight, and my heart is racing
Validate
Your feelings are valid—every single one of them. They’re not random or irrational; they’re your body’s response to your experiences.
Tell yourself why your emotions make sense:
I’m exhausted from juggling work and parenting. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
My friend cancelled on me after a rough day; of course, I feel disappointed.
This step helps you feel at home in your body rather than fighting against it.
Permit
Here’s the game-changer: give yourself permission to feel. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel exactly as you do.
Remember, permitting doesn’t mean losing control. You can permit anger while choosing to use a calm voice or permit frustration while maintaining kindness.
Examples:
I have full permission to feel frustrated right now.
It’s okay to feel like life is hard today.
When to Use
- During high stress moments: When you feel anxiety building up or notice early signs of a panic response.
- Parenting or close relationships: When a child or partner triggers you emotionally and you want to regulate yourself before reacting.
- After a personal setback: When you make a mistake and fall into self-criticism or shame spirals.
- Emotionally blocked decisions: When fear or overwhelm is stopping you from moving forward.
Key Takeaway
The next time you’re overwhelmed, remember: Acknowledge, Validate, Permit. It’s a simple practice, but it can make a world of difference in how you approach your emotions.
So, let’s stop battling our feelings and start embracing them. After all, being human is messy, but it’s also beautiful.
Give the AVP model a try—it might just change how you relate to yourself.
FAQ
What should a good AVP Model output look like?
A good result is a realistic diagnosis of the team’s current stage together with a clear view of what leadership should focus on next. The output should help explain what is happening in the team now, not just list the stages in theory.
When is AVP Model not the right tool?
It becomes less useful when people start treating the stages as a prediction tool or as a label to excuse poor performance. AVP Model helps interpret team dynamics, but it should not replace direct observation of what the team actually needs next.
Can AVP Model help with anxiety regulation?
AVP Model can help with anxiety regulation when the real question is whether the tension reflects a normal stage-of-development issue or a deeper team problem. It helps you read the conflict in context and choose a leadership response that fits the team’s current stage.